When it comes to choosing your sober living home, you have some decisions to make.You should look for a sober home that:
- Is found in a location that works best for you.
- Contains structure and rules to keep you focused and accountable.
- Houses a staff that will offer support and guidance.
- Feels comfortable to you when you walk in the door.
These are just a few of the important things to consider. Perhaps one of the most importantis determining whether you prefer to live in a co-ed facility or one that is gender-specific. While you will find that both are offered, only one seems to lead to a more positivesober-living experience: gender-specific.
There is no one reason that determines why gender-specific works best, but rather a plethora of reasons that, combined, can give you a solid foundation for a successful recovery. If you are looking forward to a great start at your new life, then you are going to want to choose your sober living home wisely – starting with one that is gender specific.
Differences Between Men and Women
Men and women are very different creatures. The internal wiring of each makes one behave unlike the other. For example, women are more in touch with emotions and feelings. Talking and confiding in each other tends to be much easier for women. When it comes to men, however, that is a different story. Feelings and emotions aren’t expressed as easily – and confiding is hard when you don’t truly feel comfortable expressing yourself.
These are not the only differences. The path to addiction occurs for very different reasons. Women tend to use to suppress feelings of inferiority, worthlessness, low self-esteem, etc. Men, on the other hand, tend to use regularly in a social setting.
Addressing the temptations and struggles in a sober-living facility is much easier when you can focus on the learning methods and struggles of one sex.
Increasing the Willingness to Share Openly
Which gender do you think finds it easier to openly share? Who is more willing? Women tend to share easier than men. As discussed above, women also tend to be able to express themselves easier. Placing both sexes together, you may find that the women overtake the men in group discussions. In addition, neither sex may be willing to openly share in a group session.
Women who feel powerless or weak may find it harder to share in front of men. Also, those have had physical, sexual, or emotional struggles with men may, too, remain closed off. Likewise, men are often made to feel as those they have to appear “macho” and feel as though they cannot express weakness in front of women.
Women and men have different experiences in life – and different experiences when using. Placing them in segregated groups may create an environment that is easier to open up and share – without the fear of being judged or ridiculed. In fact, gender-specific groups may allow the individuals to feel understood and comfortable – ultimately leading to success.
Reducing the Chance for Relationships
Did you know that relationships in a sober living home can cause:
- Gossip and drama among those living in the sober living home.
- A distraction from the task at hand – recovery.
- A focus on the physical body, rather than the emotional and mental aspects.
- Tension among other members of the home.
One of the biggest distractions when entering recovery is relationships. In fact, many programs even discourage relationships for a significant amount of time after entering them. While it may seem insignificant, imagine trying to focus on yourself – and healing your addictions – while going through the emotions of a relationship. Between the disclosure, the sex, and the new-love euphoric feelings that arise, maintaining a focus on your recovery is nearly impossible.
Gender-specific sober homes mean that you can focus on recovery and healing without a loss in attention. There is no member of the opposite sex to distract your attention or lead you to focus on things other than yourself. Discouraging relational and sexual behaviors allows you the opportunity toheal your addiction the right way
Supporting, Loving for All the Right Reasons
When in recovery – especially fresh in a sober home – support is incredibly important. Forming bonds and trust in one another is a great stepping stone to a bright recovery. The ability to do this is much easier when working with people of the same sex. In fact, it removes the relationship and sex factor and focuses on those who are supporting and loving for all the right reasons.
- Grow bonds.
- Create lifelong friendships.
- Find true support and guidance.
It is easy for the lines to get blurred when working with others of the opposite sex. Therefore, choose a gender-specific sober living home so you may focus on gaining lifelong support – based on trusted bonds.
Living Together in a Structured Environment
When living in a sober home, you are going to be, well, living with others. Doesn’t it seem that it would be more comfortable to spend this time around those who are of the same sex? You can
- Place less emphasis on physical appearance.
- Focus on healing yourself.
- Enjoy not feeling pressure from the opposite sex.
- Let go of the need for unhealthy validation from the opposite sex.
- Focus on personal growth.
Sometimes you have to let your guard down in a sober living home in order to build yourself back up. This is much easier to handle without the inclusion of the opposite sex.
Your recovery is dependent upon you learning the tools necessary to succeed. You need a strong support system combined with coping skills and a set of new, healthy habits. That is why your stay in a sober living facility is so important. By choosing a gender-specific facility, you are giving yourself a helping hand for the future.
Form bonds. Increase your focus. And free yourself from distraction. Choose a gender-specific sober living home today.
Dr. Deena is the Chief Clinical Officer of Westwind Recovery®, an award-winning outpatient treatment center in Los Angeles where she oversees the clinical and administrative program and treatment methods. Dr. Deena is a doctor of psychology and licensed clinical social worker since 1993. LCSW #20628. Originally from the East Coast, Dr. Deena has worked running treatment centers, worked as a therapist in psychiatric hospitals as well as school settings and currently has a thriving private practice in the LA area. Dr. Deena has appeared regularly on the Dr. Phil Show as an expert since 2003. She has also been featured on many other TV shows, podcasts and has contributed to written publications as well as podcasts.
